Loneliness: You’re Not Alone in Feeling Alone
By Louise Buckingham
Loneliness is one of the most quietly painful human experiences and one of the most universal. We struggle with a profound disconnect despite being more digitally connected than ever. Whether surrounded by people or living alone, loneliness can feel like a private ache, something that’s hard to put into words and harder to admit. But here’s the truth: you’re not alone if you feel lonely.
At The AoC, we work with individuals from all walks of life who often come to therapy not because they lack relationships, but because they feel unseen, misunderstood, or emotionally distant from others, and themselves. It’s important to understand that loneliness is not simply about being physically alone. It’s about the quality of your connections, not the quantity.
Why Do We Feel Lonely?
Loneliness is not a personal failure. It’s a psychological and emotional signal that we long for deeper connection, belonging, and meaning. As humans, we are wired for connection. Our nervous systems regulate best in the presence of safe, supportive others. When those connections are absent or superficial, we may experience loneliness as anxiety, sadness, or even physical discomfort.
Many life transitions and circumstances can trigger loneliness: moving house, going through a breakup, becoming a new parent, retiring, losing a loved one, or simply finding that friendships have faded over time. Social media can sometimes make this worse, giving the illusion that everyone else is connected, busy, and fulfilled while you’re on the outside looking in.
The Shame of Loneliness
One of the most painful aspects of loneliness is the shame that often comes with it. People may feel embarrassed, as if admitting they’re lonely means they’re “less than” or not good enough to be loved. But feeling lonely is not a weakness. It is a widespread human experience, and acknowledging it is the first step toward healing.
The Psychology Today article, “Feeling Lonely? You’re Not Alone,” points out that we live in a culture that often values independence and individual achievement over interdependence and emotional intimacy. This can make people feel their need for connection is a burden or something to be ashamed of. In therapy, we challenge that narrative. Your need to feel connected is not just normal — it’s essential to your well-being.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy provides a unique space to explore feelings of loneliness without judgment. It can help you understand the roots of your disconnection, whether they stem from past trauma, relationship patterns, low self-esteem, or simply the realities of life. Together, we can begin to rebuild your inner relationship with yourself, which is often the starting point for more fulfilling relationships with others.
In therapy, you are seen and heard, which can be powerfully healing. From there, we can develop new strategies to help you reconnect with others, with your passions, and with your sense of purpose.
Small Steps Toward Connection
If you’re feeling lonely, here are a few gentle steps you might try:
- Reach out to someone you trust. Even a short message can start to bridge the gap.
- Engage in something you enjoy. Creativity, movement, and learning can help you reconnect with yourself and others.
- Join a group or community. Shared experiences often lead to meaningful bonds.
- Talk to a therapist. You don’t have to carry this alone.
At The AoC, we’re here to support you with affordable and professional therapy. Loneliness may feel isolating, but it is also a sign that you are human — that your heart is open, that you long for something more. And there is nothing shameful about that.
You are not alone in feeling lonely. And you don’t have to face it alone either.
